i would like to publicly apologize everywhere for
all of my past actions back then, on my suspended
account AND on my main.
I have done things that i have deeply regret doing,
and i had apologized for most of what I have done.
I've been trying to get help, but my therapist keeps
telling me i'm fine and that i don't need therapy.
That was a while ago, but I bet my therapist would
say the same thing. Yes! I need professional help! I
really do! This whole drama's been tearing me to
bits and pieces! I'm a weirdo for drawing those arts,
roleplaying with that other guy, and being in gcs ive
been invited to without my consent. I really should
not have said all of those things back when I was
14, and I really should not have done everything I
did with him.
I have been considering ending it, honestly. This
isn't me suicidebaiting, I really have been. No, I
won't hurt anyone else physically, however, the
way you'd take my death might hurt you
mentally. Guess what? The longer I'm alive, the
more tired you are of me. I know I shouldn't let
petty internet drama from months ago get to
me, but i'll just say this. Alan won. Reuben won.
My plan right now is on friday of this week. I'll
stream me overdosing on melatonin and then
another pill. It was going to be only Potassium,
but I couldn't find the potassium pills. I'll just
grab whatever's on my mom's desk and take
a plethora of those instead.
I know to people who are uninvolved in this
drama are very very confused. Let me give you
a rundown.
I've done very self-endangering things. I've
been involved in content that isn't safe for this
site. I've been an overall bad person to everyone
around me. I shouldn't have this much followers.
i shouldn't have this much subscribers. I don't
deserve anything because of all that I did. I've
been working on myself. I've been working on
myself alot. It'll take a while to stop getting into
the habits of mental self-harm and physical self
harm. it'll take me a while to stop losing myself
and saying things i never wanted to say. It'll take
me a while to leave everything behind.
At this point, i don't care if you all hate me. I truly
deserve everything that's happened to me. I don't
get to be popular. I don't get to have a role in any
community. I don't get to change. Because if I try
to, I'll always get dragged back to being the person
i was. I'll always be this problematic girl who has
no chance of change. I'll always be a weirdo. I'll
always be disgusting. No matter how many times
i'll clean myself. I really should have listened to my
thoughts long ago. I really should have.
Who knows? Maybe i'll follow through with my
plan. Maybe I won't. Maybe i'm stupid and suicide
isn't the answer. The whole point is clear though;
I'm done with this world. There are some good
cookies around here, those who don't want me
gone, but I'm bound to lose those people aswell.

some things never change.