I only cried once the day my mother died.

My mom was always harsh with me and my older brother, Cody, but in a “tough love” kind of way. It wasn’t a big deal when we got bad grades in school, she was just disappointed and would get the paddle out. My dad was never in the picture so she had to be the good guy and the bad guy. When we got good grades, we weren’t paddled. It was a nice system. I didn’t get bad grades as frequently as my brother but I think Mom thought it was fair to paddle both of us when he did. I bet being a single mom is tough. I never want to be one.

My brother brought home his girlfriend every once in awhile. Her name was Alyssa and I really liked her because she taught me how to do makeup. She gave me a complete makeover one time. I was in love with my new look! My mom had never been the girly girl type so when Alyssa offered to make my little 10-year-old self pretty, I was ecstatic. My brother told us to be quiet about it and take the makeup off before my mom could see, but I just had to show her the bright fuchsia lips and winged eyeliner. I had to prove to her how grown up I was.

As soon as she got home from work that day, I ran downstairs from my room and excitedly hopped around her while pointing at my face. “Mommy, mommy! Look what Alyssa did for me!” She turned red and her face went sour. I didn’t know what I did wrong, but she shoved me to the side into the wall and stormed up the stairs. I followed her. She was yelling for Cody and Alyssa, shaking the house with her stomps. Alyssa ran out of Cody’s room where we had been doing our makeup.

My mom caught a handful of her hair on the back of her head and pushed her against the wall. “I thought I had told you to stay away from my son!” She screamed in her face while my brother was begging her to stop and trying to pull at her arms. I didn’t know what to do but try and help, so I tugged at my mom’s arms too. “She’s a junkie, Cody. You’re 17, she’s leading you down a bad path. She makes Amelia look like a slut!” I didn’t understand these words, but Cody kept saying no. Alyssa was crying and I just wanted to save her. Cody ran to his room. My mom started dragging Alyssa to the stairs. As they neared the top, there was a loud crack followed by a thud.

My mom lay limp in our hallway. I looked at Cody fearfully. In his hands was a baseball bat, the special metal one my mom got him for Christmas the year before, after years of practicing baseball. He stared at our mom’s unmoving body as Alyssa panicked. “Amelia,” Cody kneeled down in front of me. “Do you remember how to call 911 if there’s an emergency?” I nodded, thinking on the lesson we were taught about it. “You need to be a big girl and call that number. Alyssa and I need to go,” he gestured toward Alyssa and then grabbed her arm, pulling her with him down the stairs. “We need to go now.” She broke out of his grip and crouched in front of me.

“Amelia, you are such a good girl,” she put my face in her hands and kissed my forehead. “Maybe we’ll see you again someday.” She quickly ran back into Cody’s room and brought out a stuffed duffel bag. Together, they left through the front door.

As I got out my mom’s phone to call 911, I started to cry because I knew I would probably never see my brother or Alyssa ever again.