This is what you have to know about Charles Boyd before we get started - he is absolutely fucking terrible in the best way possible. His music is only pleasant to listen to because of the laughter and questions you will get out of it. Yes, this blog is M rated and SO ARE ALL OF HIS SONGS. Please do not listen to this guy thinking he’ll have a decent song! He really doesn’t.

If you are under 18, please take extreme caution listening to these songs. They’re nasty.

Boyd is a Canadian that has been interested in music his entire life - I know this because I read his 46-page autobiography - and he suffers from schizophrenia. He’s been in the music business since the mid-90s and has improved in basically zero ways! I was exposed to his music in 2017 when he sent sample CDs to the radio station I managed. I received two albums - Crypt Kicker (his best album) and Happy As The Sun. As soon as I heard the opening track on Crypt Kicker (which I’ve reviewed further in this blog), I laughed my ass off and sent a link (also provided further down) to my best friend to figure out if it was real or if I was in a fucking dream. It’s real.

Please mentally prepare yourself and try to be wearing headphones/be alone. This shit is EMBARRASSING and amazing.

The Lust-ful Dead - I’m putting the best FIRST. It only gets worse from here folks! The Lust-ful Dead is the first song I’ve ever heard by Charles Boyd and it’s... fucking wild. How someone came up with this idea that people died without having sex and then wanted revenge so started having sex with people as the undead/started having sex WITH the undead is beyond me.

Can we also just talk about his voice in this song? He sings with a weird, Transylvanian vampire accent in this song, which is NOT his real voice. Keep an ear out for his laughter in this song. “Hahaha, heheee, hohoho.” And finally, cue the best part of The Lust-ful Dead - the instrumental breakdown at 3:47. Ignore the fact that the music doesn’t fit the lyrics at all - it doesn’t in any of his songs - the breakdown is the best part of this song due to how far out of left field it comes.
Best line: “The living spend their lives not knowing the satisfaction of a fuck. Haha! Hoho! Hehe! Yes!”

Some Girls Prefer Cunt (The C Word) - Ah yes, Charles Boyd said gay rights. However, the beginning of this song is him demanding someone to suck his dick. Also off the Crypt Kicker album, this is “Some Girls Prefer Cunt.” It’s a bouncy, exciting, and almost happy song... until he sings the first line and you realize how awful his voice is and how horrific of a song writer he is.

The ONLY reason this song makes the list is because my friend and I DIED of laughter when he delivers the line “you are daddy’s favorite” due to the fucking tongue roll on the R. It’s completely misplaced and unexpected. Now you’re expecting it since you read this but... honestly who could fucking expect that the first time listening?

I appreciate how he lets people know that some girls do like girls and some girls do like boys. He’s a very crass person and has a very crass way of explaining these things.
Bonus: This song ALSO features a weird fucking whistle instrumental breakdown, and a part where he indeed says, “Everybody sing!” You’re invited to join in.

No Dick - This song is off of Boyd’s album, Pink Machete. I’ll give you a couple seconds to guess what it’s about.

IGNORE the background music that sounds like it’s taken straight from a Sims loading screen - all of his music is license free, so it likely is - this song is literally about a man who has no dick. Throughout the whole song, Boyd gets more and more flabbergasted that there is a man with no dick, even going so far as to exasperatedly ask, “what will the children think?!” Bruh, the children shouldn’t be thinking about this man’s dick (or lack thereof)! He also wonders about how the man survives without a dick, then says he’s met people like this before.

He has many different names for this missing dick - roaming rod, wayward wang, pretentious peter, wand of Merlin - and even goes so far as to say they should call the police to look for it. It’s enough to completely ruin your day. Cue the loading music again.
Uhhh: I couldn’t find exact statistics on how many men don’t have penises, but since we’ll count trans-men and men who have been in freak accidents, I hope he knows it’s a LOT of men without a penis and it’s more common than he probably thinks.

Those are just three songs by this... genius. I’d recommend giving more a shot because almost every song by him is a gift in and of itself. You literally never know what you’re going to get. All of his albums are available for free on his website, so go there and check it out.

Disclaimer: His email is on his website. Yes he responds Please be nice to him if you email him - he never gets feedback and I would hate for this fun, well-meaning blog to cause something like that.