With Stan holed up in the hotel and a bit of free time before my agents tried hunting me down, I decided to explore New York City a bit. I visited once in high school on our senior trip, but contracted mono and was sent home early. No bueno. I decided my first stop would be Times Square. It’s the best if you don’t want to be seen, because there’s so many people and they’re all looking at something else. Without my entourage, I just look like another person, another rando in a crowd of randos (and a Naked Cowboy).

I threw my hood on and walked through the crowd, the day chilly and misty as the overcast sky loomed over us. Somehow, it made the experience of seeing the bright lit-up billboards even better. I saw my face on a giant screen and for the first time, didn’t hate it. I sat down on the Red Steps and started to write a song. A good artist always keeps a notebook and pen on them. I thought about my wife and how much I missed her, turning each feeling into a lyric that would soon hop off the page and into a recording booth. I didn’t mind.

I finished the song, pulled out my phone, and called Courtney.

“Hello?” Mika answered the phone. I smiled, tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

“Mika, hi baby. It’s Mommy.” I heard a gasp and Mika calling for Lucia. The two started squabbling over the phone, telling me about their school assignments, life at home, and everything under the sun that their little seven year old brains could think of. I let them go on for a few minutes before speaking up. “Hey! Where’s your mom?” They stopped for a second.

Lucia finally spoke up. “We’re with Mom... sort of.” She sounded as if she didn’t want to tell me.

“Uh-huh... and where’s that at?” My heart started beating a little faster.

“Well, she’s ummm... We are at a place she called the... There E. Past?” Mika said.

“Yeah, she’s in a room with a suit person. We’re waiting for them.” My mind took a moment to process what the girls were telling me. I knew things between us were bad, but not that bad. Oh my god.

“Are you guys at the therapist’s office? Knock on the door right now and tell Mom you need her. It’s an emergency.” I heard a commotion on the other end of the line and a shuffle.

“Estelle.” Courtney.

“You’re seeing a therapist? You’re making our daughters go to a therapist’s office?” I couldn’t wrap my mind around it, but I sounded more accusatory than I meant to. “Are you thinking of leaving me or what?” Her silence was so loud. “Courtney, what the fuck? I’m not home a lot, yeah, but I make us good money. I provide for you guys and this isn’t forever. You can’t just walk away from that.”

“Estelle, you’re gone all the time. The girls need something more constant.” I was taken aback.

“What, do you already have a replacement? It sounds like you do.” More silence. I hung up the phone without another word and started crying. My phone started buzzing shortly after. It was my manager. I ignored the call and stood up, then walked over to someone smoking. “Can I bum a light from you?” The man agreed and let me have one. Halfway through, he stopped and looked at me.

“Aren’t you-“

“Fuck no and fuck you for asking.” I put out the cigarette and walked away. “Thanks for the smoke.”

I ripped the song I had written out of my notebook, crumpled up the small page and threw it in a garbage can as I walked by. After tonight, there may never be another number one hit coming from me.